i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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