About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there was a trapeze. enough said
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
