My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
