he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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