Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
