At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
