david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
