If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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