Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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