One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
