He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
