I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
