i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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