So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
