mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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