I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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