Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
