it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
