Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
