But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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