1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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