I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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