Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
