Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
