So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
