Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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