Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
