Cold hands, warm shart.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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