people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
