Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
