just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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