pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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