Please, let me fuck your mom
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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