I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
