you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
