Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
