im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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