Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
