well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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