And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
