fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
