I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
