You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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