happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
