I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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