also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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