So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
