i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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