Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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