my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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