I think my vagina is haunted
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
