You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
