is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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