So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't put those talents on a resume
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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