if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize