I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
