I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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