Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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