I wish they made helmets for livers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
did you just send me my own nude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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