So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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