Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
