some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
