his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
