you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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