It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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