i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
