im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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